My 12 Step Program
Thursday, January 24, 2002
 
My Quilt~

As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls.

Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles. An Angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that is our life.

But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed
how ragged and empty each of my squares was.
They were filled with giant holes. Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in everyday life. I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all. I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened.

My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty, like binding air.

Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose, each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been. My angel looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise. My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life, and laughter. But there had also been trials of illness, and death, and false accusations that took from me my world, as I knew it. I had to start over many times. I often
struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the
strength to pick up and begin again. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life. I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully, each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the
judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me.

And now, I had to face the truth. My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was.

I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light. An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes.

Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ.

Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes. He said, "Every time you gave over your life to Me, it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles. Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you."

May all our quilts be threadbare and worn, allowing Christ to shine
through.

May God bless you, today, and Forever.
 
Sunday, January 20, 2002
 
The Recovery-Network "Thank GOD I'm SOBER" newsletter is dedicated to those of us involved in recovery from addictions or life threatening diseases.

T.G.I.S. #16 - Abundance Is Yours

Recovery's journey and all the blessings along the way can be yours in abundance. It has been said that too much of a good thing can kill you, but can you really have too much joy, peace of mind, serenity, or spirituality? Here is a wonderful flash presentation on abundance. Why not take two minutes out of your busy schedule and reflect on the message it offers.

Click on Abundance and enjoy the show.


We are here to experience all the good the world has to offer but we are so caught up in our day to day activity that often we don’t take the time to "smell the roses". Perhaps you have read the "Desiderata" long ago and were touched by it in some manner. The spiritual truth and understanding it presents can be another tool useful in embracing Step 12.

The Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble,
it's a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.

Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

"Desiderata" was written in 1927 by Max Ehrmann (1872-1945). In 1956, the rector of St. Paul's Church in Baltimore, Maryland, used the poem in a collection of mimeographed inspirational material for his congregation. Someone who subsequently printed it asserted that it was found in Old St. Paul's Church, dated 1692. The year 1692 was the founding date of the church and has nothing to do with the poem.

As your day begins each morning invest some time in the belief...

Abundance Is Yours





The Recovery-Network


Jan 20th, 2002

 
 
Today's thought is:

Accepting myself means not having to be right, famous,
powerful, or even "good." It means not having to impress
others. It means living authentically. It means being comfortable saying, "I
don't know."

To be free from fear means that we can live as we choose;
it means we don't have to be anything in particular. We can
just be aware and accepting.

Do I feel free to be me?

Higher Power, help me to accept myself just as I am.

I will practice accepting myself today.

 
Friday, January 18, 2002
 
Are You Thinking?

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and
then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and
soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it
wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally
I was thinking all the time.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't

mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime
so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied
and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned
off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that
night at her mother's.

I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me

in. He said, "I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your
thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the
job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think
about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey, " I
confessed, "I've been thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as
college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if
you keep on thinking we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry.
I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out
the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with a PBS
station on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the
big glass doors... they didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that
night.

As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for
Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking
ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It
comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a

TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week

it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided
thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just
seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.


 
Friday, January 04, 2002
 

Today's thought is:

One day, my son brought a gerbil home to live with us.
We put it in a cage. Some time later, the gerbil escaped.
For the next six months, the animal ran frightened and wild
through the house. So did we – chasing it.

"There it is. Get it!" we'd scream, each time someone
spotted the gerbil. I, or my son, would throw down
whatever we were working on, race across the house, and
lunge at the animal hoping to catch it.

I worried about it, even when we didn't see it. "This
isn't right," I'd think. "I can't have a gerbil running loose
in the house. We've got to catch it. We've got to do
something."

A small animal, the size of a mouse had the entire
household in a tizzy.

One day, while sitting in the living room, I watched the
animal scurry across the hallway. In a frenzy, I started
to lunge at it, as I usually did, then I stopped myself.

No, I said. I'm all done. If that animal wants to live in
the nooks and crannies of this house, I'm going to let it. I'm
done worrying about it. I'm done chasing it. It's an
irregular circumstance, but that's just the way it's going to
have to be.

I let the gerbil run past without reacting. I felt slightly
uncomfortable with my new reaction – not reacting – but
I stuck to it anyway.

I got more comfortable with my new reaction – not
reacting. Before long, I became downright peaceful with
the situation. I had stopped fighting the gerbil. One afternoon, only weeks
after I started practicing my new attitude,
the gerbil ran by me, as it had so many times, and I barely
glanced at it. The animal stopped in its tracks, turned
around, and looked at me. I started to lunge at it. It started
to run away. I relaxed.

"Fine," I said. "Do what you want." And I meant it.

One hour later, the gerbil came and stood by me, and
waited. I gently picked it up and placed it in its cage, where
it has lived happily ever since. The moral of the story?
Don't lunge at the gerbil. He's already frightened, and
chasing him just scares him more and makes us crazy.

Detachment works.

Today, I will be comfortable with my new reaction –
not reacting. I will feel at peace.
 
I started this page when I started in AA several years ago. Things have been up and down a lot since then. There are TONS of blogs now on the Internet. I remember when Blogger was IT! My home page is Jamie's Crazy Hectic Life . I hope to be back here soon............

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Location: Tampa, Florida, United States

I have given birth to 6 children, Joy ia 27 now, Jake is 23, Nikki (her given name is Jene) is 21, George is 18, Jamila is 17, Leighanne is 15. Destiny is my daughter/granddaughter and is 12. I have raised her since she was born.

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