My 12 Step Program
Wednesday, October 31, 2001
Eighth Step
I will be talking to my sponsor today about working my eighth step. She always seems to find a way to make things easy so I am looking forward to it. I am truly happy to be sober, and it is not just the sobriety you know. It's working the steps and learning to reach my full potential through the program. Staying spiritually fit.......it's so important at this point in my life ;-). ¶ 10/31/2001 08:01:00 AM
I will be talking to my sponsor today about working my eighth step. She always seems to find a way to make things easy so I am looking forward to it. I am truly happy to be sober, and it is not just the sobriety you know. It's working the steps and learning to reach my full potential through the program. Staying spiritually fit.......it's so important at this point in my life ;-). ¶ 10/31/2001 08:01:00 AM
Today's thought is:
"I hope I shall possess firmness and virtue enough
to maintain what I consider the most enviable of all
titles, the character of an honest man."
--George Washington
Being really honest with ourselves and others
requires balance. We have to balance what our true
faults are with our true strengths. But admitting our
faults shouldn't be an excuse to beat up on
ourselves by only acknowledging our bad points.
We need to see the truth, the good as well as the
not-so-good, our strengths as well as our
weaknesses. As we do this, we can begin to find and
love ourselves as complete human beings. We can
give up the black-and-white way we used to live
and accept our whole selves.
Today let me see all the sides that make up me, the
whole picture--good and bad.
¶ 10/31/2001 07:57:00 AM
"I hope I shall possess firmness and virtue enough
to maintain what I consider the most enviable of all
titles, the character of an honest man."
--George Washington
Being really honest with ourselves and others
requires balance. We have to balance what our true
faults are with our true strengths. But admitting our
faults shouldn't be an excuse to beat up on
ourselves by only acknowledging our bad points.
We need to see the truth, the good as well as the
not-so-good, our strengths as well as our
weaknesses. As we do this, we can begin to find and
love ourselves as complete human beings. We can
give up the black-and-white way we used to live
and accept our whole selves.
Today let me see all the sides that make up me, the
whole picture--good and bad.
¶ 10/31/2001 07:57:00 AM
Tuesday, October 30, 2001
Today's thought is:
Acceptance
When we have given our lives back to our Higher
Power, we gradually learn to accept what happens
to us as part of His plan. Most of us made a mess of
trying to run our own lives. We are amazed at how
much better things go when we acknowledge that
the Power greater than ourselves is in control.
Every experience, the bad one as well as the good
one, becomes an opportunity to learn and to serve.
We may not like what it is that we are given to do
or to feel on a particular day, but we learn to accept
it as necessary for our growth. We can look back
and see that we have learned even more from our
failures than from our successes.
When we accept our lives and ourselves as part of
God’'s creation, we are open to the work of His
spirit and His love. Then positive change and
growth become possible.
Teach me to accept Your will.
This is a Hazelton Daily Email! You can sign up for this on my Email Thought for the Days post on the 28th of this month. ¶ 10/30/2001 10:19:00 AM
Acceptance
When we have given our lives back to our Higher
Power, we gradually learn to accept what happens
to us as part of His plan. Most of us made a mess of
trying to run our own lives. We are amazed at how
much better things go when we acknowledge that
the Power greater than ourselves is in control.
Every experience, the bad one as well as the good
one, becomes an opportunity to learn and to serve.
We may not like what it is that we are given to do
or to feel on a particular day, but we learn to accept
it as necessary for our growth. We can look back
and see that we have learned even more from our
failures than from our successes.
When we accept our lives and ourselves as part of
God’'s creation, we are open to the work of His
spirit and His love. Then positive change and
growth become possible.
Teach me to accept Your will.
This is a Hazelton Daily Email! You can sign up for this on my Email Thought for the Days post on the 28th of this month. ¶ 10/30/2001 10:19:00 AM
Monday, October 29, 2001
Sunday, October 28, 2001
This is where I get my longer weekly posts. Recovery-Network help for Addictions, sobriety program, AA Spiritualism. They send me a newsletter once a week.
¶ 10/28/2001 04:41:00 PM
Recovery Network Info
The Webster's dictionary defintion of a "paradox" is an assertation or
proposition seeming absurd, yet true in fact, a seeming contradiction.
Two more definitions of a paradox:
1) An assertion that is essentially self-contradictory, though based on a valid
deduction from acceptable premises.
2) A statement contrary to received opinion.
Are there paradoxes in recovery? Yes there are. Lots of them. Is it any wonder
the newcomer is somewhat confused when first confronted with the idea of
recovery if some of the reasonings are paradoxical. They know they need to break
the cycle of addiction but frequently are unable to wrap their mind around the
concepts introduced to them. Notions that are essentially self-contradictory and
contrary to received opinion are not easily accepted.
The very nature of the myriad of reasons for addicion are complex enough for
even the professionals to fathom. How then, is the average person expected to
change their life and combat their behavior, which has culminated over a great
length of time, especially when some of the most successful techniques fall into
the category of paradoxes.
Here is a typical paradox.....
"The sentence I am now typing is the sentence you are now reading."
There appears to be a contradiction somewhere. How is it possible for me to be
typing a sentence that you are now reading. I am not. Yet as false as that
sentence may seem it also has truth.
The following are a few paradoxes of recovery.
> In order to beat our addiction we have to surrender.
I struggled with that one for years. It's human nature not to give up without a
fight. Or even if we run, we run to fight again another day. Scientists call it
the "Fight or Flight physiological/psychological response" and we have been
doing it since the beginning of time. When it comes to addiction our fight
occurs each time we go back to our mind altering chemical of choice thinking
this time we can control it. Or, this time will be different. Or, whatever "or"
you would like to come up with. There are lots. None of them work.
> We cannot do it alone, yet we must do it by ourselves.
Ultimately, we can only be responsible for our own sobriety. It is our choice,
and only our choice if we decide to use again. Yet there is some kind of power
that occurs through the fellowship of recovery programs that cannot be denied.
Those who have been around for a while come to understand and utilize this power
thoughout the day. Alone we might not have it, alone we must use it.
> The more vunerable you allow yourself to be, the stronger you become.
By acknowleging our weakness and frailities we are in a position of doing
something about them. To deny they exist is similar to the old wifes tale of the
ostrich sticking its head in the sand so as not to be seen. If I take a risk and
allow myself to be hurt, either way, I stand a better chance of growing and
maturing as a human being.
> You cannot keep what you have without giving it away.
This one of course has to do with spritual principles and not material
possessions. It is the "giving back what you have so freely received" part of
the program that insures continued recovery. I have been guilty of not
practising that one in the past. I didn't carry the message. I didn't get active
in the program. I didn't help anyone. I didn't stay sober.
> Keep coming back so you dont have to come back.
The doors of 12 step programs are always open to those who want recovery. I
attend meetings so I wont have to "come back". The last time I went to have just
a couple of beers it turned into a seven year nightmare. I was lucky to
eventually come back. Some folks never make it back and die from their disease,
or worse.
Those were a few examples, I'm sure you can come up with many of your own. If
you ever struggle or get confused in your recovery think of how the newcomers
feel when they are presented with the ....
Paradoxes of Recovery
¶ 10/28/2001 09:58:00 AM
The Webster's dictionary defintion of a "paradox" is an assertation or
proposition seeming absurd, yet true in fact, a seeming contradiction.
Two more definitions of a paradox:
1) An assertion that is essentially self-contradictory, though based on a valid
deduction from acceptable premises.
2) A statement contrary to received opinion.
Are there paradoxes in recovery? Yes there are. Lots of them. Is it any wonder
the newcomer is somewhat confused when first confronted with the idea of
recovery if some of the reasonings are paradoxical. They know they need to break
the cycle of addiction but frequently are unable to wrap their mind around the
concepts introduced to them. Notions that are essentially self-contradictory and
contrary to received opinion are not easily accepted.
The very nature of the myriad of reasons for addicion are complex enough for
even the professionals to fathom. How then, is the average person expected to
change their life and combat their behavior, which has culminated over a great
length of time, especially when some of the most successful techniques fall into
the category of paradoxes.
Here is a typical paradox.....
"The sentence I am now typing is the sentence you are now reading."
There appears to be a contradiction somewhere. How is it possible for me to be
typing a sentence that you are now reading. I am not. Yet as false as that
sentence may seem it also has truth.
The following are a few paradoxes of recovery.
> In order to beat our addiction we have to surrender.
I struggled with that one for years. It's human nature not to give up without a
fight. Or even if we run, we run to fight again another day. Scientists call it
the "Fight or Flight physiological/psychological response" and we have been
doing it since the beginning of time. When it comes to addiction our fight
occurs each time we go back to our mind altering chemical of choice thinking
this time we can control it. Or, this time will be different. Or, whatever "or"
you would like to come up with. There are lots. None of them work.
> We cannot do it alone, yet we must do it by ourselves.
Ultimately, we can only be responsible for our own sobriety. It is our choice,
and only our choice if we decide to use again. Yet there is some kind of power
that occurs through the fellowship of recovery programs that cannot be denied.
Those who have been around for a while come to understand and utilize this power
thoughout the day. Alone we might not have it, alone we must use it.
> The more vunerable you allow yourself to be, the stronger you become.
By acknowleging our weakness and frailities we are in a position of doing
something about them. To deny they exist is similar to the old wifes tale of the
ostrich sticking its head in the sand so as not to be seen. If I take a risk and
allow myself to be hurt, either way, I stand a better chance of growing and
maturing as a human being.
> You cannot keep what you have without giving it away.
This one of course has to do with spritual principles and not material
possessions. It is the "giving back what you have so freely received" part of
the program that insures continued recovery. I have been guilty of not
practising that one in the past. I didn't carry the message. I didn't get active
in the program. I didn't help anyone. I didn't stay sober.
> Keep coming back so you dont have to come back.
The doors of 12 step programs are always open to those who want recovery. I
attend meetings so I wont have to "come back". The last time I went to have just
a couple of beers it turned into a seven year nightmare. I was lucky to
eventually come back. Some folks never make it back and die from their disease,
or worse.
Those were a few examples, I'm sure you can come up with many of your own. If
you ever struggle or get confused in your recovery think of how the newcomers
feel when they are presented with the ....
Paradoxes of Recovery
¶ 10/28/2001 09:58:00 AM
Saturday, October 27, 2001
Friday, October 26, 2001
Thursday, October 25, 2001
Sponsorship
The topic of our meeting yesterday was sponsorship, and my sponsor was chairing the meeting. We talked yesterday afternoon and she REALLY wants me to call her daily and do the readings she asks me to do. So last night I DID read Step 6 in the 12 by 12, and I DID call her this morning. Neither one hurt a bit. I was telling Leroy about it last night and he said he couldn't believe I was actually letting someone tell me what to do, but it is more than that of course. I am TRULY willing to do whatever it takes to remain sober. She wants me to read Step 7 in the 12 by 12 too, and said we would start working on my taking Step 8 next week. No more procrastination for me I guess LOLOLOL!!! ¶ 10/25/2001 10:53:00 AM
The topic of our meeting yesterday was sponsorship, and my sponsor was chairing the meeting. We talked yesterday afternoon and she REALLY wants me to call her daily and do the readings she asks me to do. So last night I DID read Step 6 in the 12 by 12, and I DID call her this morning. Neither one hurt a bit. I was telling Leroy about it last night and he said he couldn't believe I was actually letting someone tell me what to do, but it is more than that of course. I am TRULY willing to do whatever it takes to remain sober. She wants me to read Step 7 in the 12 by 12 too, and said we would start working on my taking Step 8 next week. No more procrastination for me I guess LOLOLOL!!! ¶ 10/25/2001 10:53:00 AM
Monday, October 22, 2001
Page 32 in the Big Book
The section about the guy who retired, started drinking, and died in 4 years, was the topic of the noon mtg today. It was a good meeting! I really like the Monday Noon mtgs! ¶ 10/22/2001 07:05:00 PM
The section about the guy who retired, started drinking, and died in 4 years, was the topic of the noon mtg today. It was a good meeting! I really like the Monday Noon mtgs! ¶ 10/22/2001 07:05:00 PM
Sunday, October 21, 2001
What I prayed for......
"I asked God for Strength...
And He gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked God for Wisdom...
And He gave me problems to solve.
I asked God for Prosperity...
And He gave me brain and brawn to work.
I asked God for Courage...
And He gave me danger to overcome.
I asked God for Love...
And He gave me troubled people to help.
I asked God for Favors...
And He gave me opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted...
And I received everything I needed."
Author Unknown
It certainly would be the "easier softer way" if all our prayers
came true. But how far would we evolve spiritually if that were
the case. Often, it is in times of extreme difficulty or hardship
that we are put to the test, to overcome or fall by the wayside.
There are lessons to be learned either way. With each victory the
road is paved with new obstacles. With every failure is planted
the seed of an equivalent or greater success.
Early recovery can be like that. In the beginning we may have
limited success due to earnest effort but if complacency takes
over it may just be a matter of time before we are back where
we started. The key is to keep at it. Never give up. If we keep
striving for the HOW of recovery "Honesty, Openmindedness,
Willingness" we shall have it.
I'm sure we would all like to have our Higher Power provide us with
situations which are favorable, however, is that really the best
thing for continued maturity and growth. Think back to the times
in your life when what you were going through seemed like an
impossible situation but in the long run your character was
molded or changed for the best. Maybe God was answering your
prayers all along.
¶ 10/21/2001 12:24:00 PM
"I asked God for Strength...
And He gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked God for Wisdom...
And He gave me problems to solve.
I asked God for Prosperity...
And He gave me brain and brawn to work.
I asked God for Courage...
And He gave me danger to overcome.
I asked God for Love...
And He gave me troubled people to help.
I asked God for Favors...
And He gave me opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted...
And I received everything I needed."
Author Unknown
It certainly would be the "easier softer way" if all our prayers
came true. But how far would we evolve spiritually if that were
the case. Often, it is in times of extreme difficulty or hardship
that we are put to the test, to overcome or fall by the wayside.
There are lessons to be learned either way. With each victory the
road is paved with new obstacles. With every failure is planted
the seed of an equivalent or greater success.
Early recovery can be like that. In the beginning we may have
limited success due to earnest effort but if complacency takes
over it may just be a matter of time before we are back where
we started. The key is to keep at it. Never give up. If we keep
striving for the HOW of recovery "Honesty, Openmindedness,
Willingness" we shall have it.
I'm sure we would all like to have our Higher Power provide us with
situations which are favorable, however, is that really the best
thing for continued maturity and growth. Think back to the times
in your life when what you were going through seemed like an
impossible situation but in the long run your character was
molded or changed for the best. Maybe God was answering your
prayers all along.
¶ 10/21/2001 12:24:00 PM
Saturday, October 20, 2001
Tired
I have been too tired to do much of anything relating to my recovery. I don't feel much like calling folks, but I do pray a lot. I had some terrible drinking dreams last night. I alway forgot I was suppose to be sober and drank beer, then I didn't pick up a white chip.....it sucked.
I will read my Big Book tonight and call my sponsor tomorrow for sure ;-)!!! ¶ 10/20/2001 06:14:00 PM
I have been too tired to do much of anything relating to my recovery. I don't feel much like calling folks, but I do pray a lot. I had some terrible drinking dreams last night. I alway forgot I was suppose to be sober and drank beer, then I didn't pick up a white chip.....it sucked.
I will read my Big Book tonight and call my sponsor tomorrow for sure ;-)!!! ¶ 10/20/2001 06:14:00 PM
Sunday, October 14, 2001
One Day at A Time
"There are two days in every week about which we should not worry;
two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.
One of these days is yesterday with its mistakes and cares, its faults and
blunders, its aches and pains. All the money in the world cannot bring back
yesterday. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. We cannot undo a
single act we performed. We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is
gone.
The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow with its possible
adversities, its burdens, its large promise or poor performance. Tomorrow is
also beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow's sun will rise, either in splendor
or behind a mask of clouds ... but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake
in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.
This leaves only one day ... TODAY. Anyone can fight the battles of just one
day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of these two awful eternities -
yesterday and tomorrow - that we break down. It is not the experience of today
that drives us mad - it is remorse or bitterness of something which happened
yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.
Let us, therefore, LIVE BUT ONE DAY AT A TIME."
¶ 10/14/2001 01:06:00 PM
"There are two days in every week about which we should not worry;
two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.
One of these days is yesterday with its mistakes and cares, its faults and
blunders, its aches and pains. All the money in the world cannot bring back
yesterday. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. We cannot undo a
single act we performed. We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is
gone.
The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow with its possible
adversities, its burdens, its large promise or poor performance. Tomorrow is
also beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow's sun will rise, either in splendor
or behind a mask of clouds ... but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake
in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.
This leaves only one day ... TODAY. Anyone can fight the battles of just one
day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of these two awful eternities -
yesterday and tomorrow - that we break down. It is not the experience of today
that drives us mad - it is remorse or bitterness of something which happened
yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.
Let us, therefore, LIVE BUT ONE DAY AT A TIME."
¶ 10/14/2001 01:06:00 PM
Wednesday, October 10, 2001
Daily Reflections: FIXING ME, NOT YOU
If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 90
What a freedom I felt when this passage was pointed out to me! Suddenly I saw that I could do something about my anger, I could fix me, instead of trying to fix then. I believe that there are no exceptions to the axiom. When I am angry, my anger is always self-centered. I must keep reminding myself that I am human, that I am doing the best I can, even when that best is sometimes poor. So I ask God to remove my anger and truly set me free. ¶ 10/10/2001 09:54:00 AM
If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 90
What a freedom I felt when this passage was pointed out to me! Suddenly I saw that I could do something about my anger, I could fix me, instead of trying to fix then. I believe that there are no exceptions to the axiom. When I am angry, my anger is always self-centered. I must keep reminding myself that I am human, that I am doing the best I can, even when that best is sometimes poor. So I ask God to remove my anger and truly set me free. ¶ 10/10/2001 09:54:00 AM
Tuesday, October 09, 2001
Okay, it's still funny.........Welcome to The International Association Of Drunk Bastards
¶ 10/09/2001 11:13:00 AM
Sunday, October 07, 2001
Saturday, October 06, 2001
5th Step
Thursday night, I did my 5th step with my sponsor!!! It was too late to do the hour reflection and the 6th and 7th when I got home, but I will take that time this afternoon. I was really amazed that she could relate to what has happened in my life. For some reason, I didn't even think that possible. I was so shocked!
Things are going fine with my new, 3 shots a week--5 pills a day, therapy. I didn't feel well last night, but I am fine now. It's funny though because most folks feel worse after they take the shot, I seem to feel better. That's kind of weird, but cause that is not the intent of the shot. It's not a "feel better" shot, it's a "attack the virus" shot. ¶ 10/06/2001 08:10:00 AM
Thursday night, I did my 5th step with my sponsor!!! It was too late to do the hour reflection and the 6th and 7th when I got home, but I will take that time this afternoon. I was really amazed that she could relate to what has happened in my life. For some reason, I didn't even think that possible. I was so shocked!
Things are going fine with my new, 3 shots a week--5 pills a day, therapy. I didn't feel well last night, but I am fine now. It's funny though because most folks feel worse after they take the shot, I seem to feel better. That's kind of weird, but cause that is not the intent of the shot. It's not a "feel better" shot, it's a "attack the virus" shot. ¶ 10/06/2001 08:10:00 AM
Friday, October 05, 2001
Wednesday, October 03, 2001
Tuesday, October 02, 2001
5th Step
I had to reschedule my 5th Step with my sponsor. We were going to do it yesterday night, but I had to take my shot and I didn't know how I was going to react. We are going to do it Thurday night now and that will probably work.
Had a great mtg Sunday night at the 301 House. They are going to do a haunted house too, and I am looking forward to that!!! I volunteered Jake to work in it. He should get a kick out of that. We had a first step mtg at the 3333 Club yesterday at noon. I like it there, but I like the 301 House too. It's funny, because at first I didn't.
I'm going to a work mtg now and on to my noon AA mtg. I am so glad I found AA. It's where I fit. ¶ 10/02/2001 09:30:00 AM
I had to reschedule my 5th Step with my sponsor. We were going to do it yesterday night, but I had to take my shot and I didn't know how I was going to react. We are going to do it Thurday night now and that will probably work.
Had a great mtg Sunday night at the 301 House. They are going to do a haunted house too, and I am looking forward to that!!! I volunteered Jake to work in it. He should get a kick out of that. We had a first step mtg at the 3333 Club yesterday at noon. I like it there, but I like the 301 House too. It's funny, because at first I didn't.
I'm going to a work mtg now and on to my noon AA mtg. I am so glad I found AA. It's where I fit. ¶ 10/02/2001 09:30:00 AM
Monday, October 01, 2001
A very nice site on recovery can be found at this link! Watch out for the bubbles........
¶ 10/01/2001 09:11:00 AM
