My 12 Step Program
Wednesday, August 29, 2001
 
I found another Hep C Page. I wonder if I will ever have time to look at them all. There is so much info. I am really looking for some case studies of folks with Cirrhosis.
 
 
Detox Meeting

Again, I was feeling sorry for myself last night. Then, I went to a meeting at out local Detox. There was a lady there, who, when white chips were passed out didn't go up. On the way out, I saw her slip and get a white chip. I talked to her and told her congratulations on her white chip. She said she was embarrassed to walk up, she had gotten so many.

We continued to talk and I found out we had some of the same problems. She, too, has cirrhosis and some of the same issues I have with my teenage daughter. She was shaking though and in detox. I just praise God that I am not drinking and have a chance. Now she is not drinking in detox, so God is giving her a chance. I hope she takes it. I gave her my number. Maybe I can help.

I didn't feel sorry for myself anymore when I left there.
 
Tuesday, August 28, 2001
 
My GI Doctor is going to put me on what's affectionately known as The Combo. That link will make you aware of some side effects. Sounds like fun,huh???
 
Friday, August 24, 2001
 
Alcoholics Anonymous
 
 
Twelve Steps and Alcoholics Anonymous
 
 
Bullshit Analyzer

WARNING! This site contains 310% bullshit.
Bullshit score: 33p

Don't believe a word of it ;-)
 
 
Fourth Step Work

It has taken me two weeks, but I am almost done with with my resentment part of my 4th Step. It is taking me a while, but my sponsor hasn't said that was wrong. She said for me to take my time, just set time aside to work on it. Even ten minutes at a time. So that's what I am doing. Going to church tonight ;-)
 
Thursday, August 23, 2001
 
ABCNEWS.com : Youthful Drug Use Leads to Hepatitis C in Adults
 
 
Cirrhosis

I guess it is better to find out things a little at a time. Yesterday I found out that I actually have Cirrhosis. A 2/4 grade of inflammation and a 4/4 grade of fibrosis. I felt sorry for myself some yesterday, but I really don't have time for that type of thing. No sense in worrying about it now. Have to worry about taking care of myself so I can raise all these kids.

I am awfully tired though.
 
Friday, August 17, 2001
 
This is one of my favorite places----dle@pitas.
 
 
I found the best Hepatitis C board at Health & Wellness Forums.
 
 
Back to the Third Step

On my way to the meeting last night, I got to thinking about what I had done to begin my recovery because that is what made me start having improvements then. Well of course, that was simple, I PRAYED and gave it all God. So that is what I did last night, and today is a much better day!

I got a call this morning from a guy that wants me to pick him up for a meeting, and I am going to do that. I met him at the Detox meeting, he stays right down the street and he has a back brace on.

Let Go, and Let God--------never knew those words were so profound.
 
Thursday, August 16, 2001
 
Hepatitis C and Liver Damage

Right before I quit drinking I kept saying I was tired of being the strong one, that I wanted to be taken care of and someone else needed to be strong. Right this minute I feel that way again. I don't want to drink, I just want to feel sorry for myself. I wonder if that's okay, if I don't do it for a long time? I'm going to a meeting tonight, but I don't want to tell anyone that. Sounds kind of crazy doesn't it?
 
Sunday, August 12, 2001
 
Fourth Step

Well, I have at least started my list of resentments. I think I will have to carry it with me (my list) and write stuff down as I think about it. I am not really afraid of this step or step 5 for that matter, but it does take a lot of work. I went to an "ask it, basket" meeting last evening and I put in the question of "Do you have to put all your resentments down even those you feel you are over". Well of course the first comment was to talk to my sponsor about it, and I guess I really should but I am not good with calling folks. To tell you the truth, a sponsor has certain authority over you (you give them that), and I am just flat not good with authority. Wonder if that is another resentment?????
 
Friday, August 10, 2001
 
It can kill ya'

Well I have heard people say at meetings that one more drink would kill them. I understand now. One more would lead to 1,000 and the Dr. said yesterday I have severe liver fibrosis. I have already said I have Hepatitis C, but I guess 28 years of drinking has done it's part. I, again, am grateful to have found A.A, now at least I have a chance ;-)

 
Thursday, August 09, 2001
 
I found this: The NHCC's links to information on hepatitis C
 
Wednesday, August 08, 2001
 
Vacation

I was just 4 days without a meeting. I made it okay, and I guess I would, but I don't think I would want to do it on a regular basis. I did spend lots of time reading the Big Book. I have started on the first 164 pages again. I got bored about half way through Bill W.'s story and started reading the stories in the back of the book. I read the one about the rich lady, and another one. I kept up with my nightly checklist pretty well too. I think I will scan that and add a link to it here. It's pretty good stuff.

The noon meeting was good, but a fella who has been in and out of the program, came in and had a seizure. I cleaned up after it. He had vomitted, but it was no big deal. The paramedics took him to the hospital. I know he was sober when he got there, but I think he does other stuff too. I know one thing........it is not for me to judge. I just feel sorry for him and will pray for him.

My sponsor says I need to start working on my 4th Step. I have to start writing down resentments. That's all I have to do first though, is write the names. Boy that is going to be a long list. I don't feel like I have a lot of them anymore, but I have to write them all down. Maybe I need to get a good definition of resentment before I start, because I could write a list a mile long by my definition.....
 
Thursday, August 02, 2001
 
Big Book Study

Today at the Noon meeting, we read on page 86 of the Big Book. It discussed the nightly prayer, where we need to do a review of our day, and it made me realize that I had not been doing this. My sponsor had even given me a check list and I had made copies for myself. It has a column for characteristics of self will and God's will and you can check each off that you had that day.

I am going to do mine tonight and start reading that page daily since it has both the nightly prayer and the morning one. She had asked me to memorize it before, but I guess I didn't have time. I guess I need to make time, huh? ;-)
 
Wednesday, August 01, 2001
 
I actually cried

I don't like crying in public. I don't like crying at all usually. I do cry about stupid movies though. Anyway.......there was a pregnant girl at the Noon meeting today, and I shared about my children, and the damage I had done while I was pregnant. Well I didn't get much out. Boo Hooed, out loud no less. And then when I was driving to my next meeting (for work) I felt so much better. I love the folks at that meeting. It was so hard for me at first. I felt so out of place. Everyone had been sober longer I had (of course), and I didn't know anyone, and I felt that they were so different than me. But you know what, we all have one thing in common........alcohol had taken over our lives. Now we can share our experience, strenghth and hope and, yes, love. It's like having another family, and all in less that 2 months. I am a grateful alcoholic. Grateful I found A.A. and now have the tools to rebuild my life and become the best I can be.
 
I started this page when I started in AA several years ago. Things have been up and down a lot since then. There are TONS of blogs now on the Internet. I remember when Blogger was IT! My home page is Jamie's Crazy Hectic Life . I hope to be back here soon............

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Location: Tampa, Florida, United States

I have given birth to 6 children, Joy ia 27 now, Jake is 23, Nikki (her given name is Jene) is 21, George is 18, Jamila is 17, Leighanne is 15. Destiny is my daughter/granddaughter and is 12. I have raised her since she was born.

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