My 12 Step Program
Monday, July 30, 2001
Peace
It's nice, isn't it? To be able to weather life's ups and downs and come to the realization that God is still in control (as long as you allow Him to be), and that together you can make it through.
After 3 meetings, one at 2:30 yesterday and one at 8:15, and one this morning at 6:30, all about drinking desires. I finally got what I needed at my home group at Noon today. The Chair (who has been sober like 15 years) said that he no longer has the obsession to drink, that when it crosses his mind, he does what the program has taught him to do. Then I realized that that is what I did. Yesterday when I was angry and felt like drinking, I started thinking about what I hadn't done that may have caused me to have this feeling. Once I figured that out, I did what I needed to do. That included 4 meetings in 24 hours. And you know what...........what I had was NOT an obsession, it was a fleeting thought. Apparently we all have them. It's just how we react to them that matters.
When I told my sponsor about it she said, "Well, I didn't get a phone call", so I guess I missed something, huh? I've been independant so long it is hard to depend on others. But I'm learning!
¶ 7/30/2001 04:45:00 PM
It's nice, isn't it? To be able to weather life's ups and downs and come to the realization that God is still in control (as long as you allow Him to be), and that together you can make it through.
After 3 meetings, one at 2:30 yesterday and one at 8:15, and one this morning at 6:30, all about drinking desires. I finally got what I needed at my home group at Noon today. The Chair (who has been sober like 15 years) said that he no longer has the obsession to drink, that when it crosses his mind, he does what the program has taught him to do. Then I realized that that is what I did. Yesterday when I was angry and felt like drinking, I started thinking about what I hadn't done that may have caused me to have this feeling. Once I figured that out, I did what I needed to do. That included 4 meetings in 24 hours. And you know what...........what I had was NOT an obsession, it was a fleeting thought. Apparently we all have them. It's just how we react to them that matters.
When I told my sponsor about it she said, "Well, I didn't get a phone call", so I guess I missed something, huh? I've been independant so long it is hard to depend on others. But I'm learning!
¶ 7/30/2001 04:45:00 PM
Sunday, July 29, 2001
Want a drink?
I went to a 2:30 meeting a place called Sobrienity. There was a girl there who said she was having trouble staying sober. That she really felt like she wanted a drink. Today she had 60 days sober. Her husband was there in the other room with her two kids, and I am probably wrong but he seemed like an asshole. She is a stay at home Mom and she says she is not appreciated. That he resents her going to meetings. Boy could I relate to that!
I can also relate to her feeling like drinking. I felt that way this morning when Leroy pissed me off. I thought, "I'll show you". And really what would I be showing him.....that I am an alcoholic (he knows that), that I can make an ass of myself (he knows that too), that he can get me to the point where I no longer care about myself (no such luck asshole!).
As much as I love my husband and my children, I am not staying sober for them. I am staying sober for me. I want to be happy, joyous and free. I want life where I can remember it.
My mistakes were....I didn't go to a meeting yesterday. I have not read any Recovery related literature for about 4 days, including Daily Reflections. I did not pray this morning. I know what it takes to keep me sober, and I have to do what it takes if I want to stay sober. ¶ 7/29/2001 05:29:00 PM
I went to a 2:30 meeting a place called Sobrienity. There was a girl there who said she was having trouble staying sober. That she really felt like she wanted a drink. Today she had 60 days sober. Her husband was there in the other room with her two kids, and I am probably wrong but he seemed like an asshole. She is a stay at home Mom and she says she is not appreciated. That he resents her going to meetings. Boy could I relate to that!
I can also relate to her feeling like drinking. I felt that way this morning when Leroy pissed me off. I thought, "I'll show you". And really what would I be showing him.....that I am an alcoholic (he knows that), that I can make an ass of myself (he knows that too), that he can get me to the point where I no longer care about myself (no such luck asshole!).
As much as I love my husband and my children, I am not staying sober for them. I am staying sober for me. I want to be happy, joyous and free. I want life where I can remember it.
My mistakes were....I didn't go to a meeting yesterday. I have not read any Recovery related literature for about 4 days, including Daily Reflections. I did not pray this morning. I know what it takes to keep me sober, and I have to do what it takes if I want to stay sober. ¶ 7/29/2001 05:29:00 PM
Saturday, July 28, 2001
A.A. Stuff
I have found a gold mine at Amazon.com--starting with: The Twelve Steps for Christians : Based on Biblical Teachings. It's amazing!!! The movies were there including, My Name is Bill W. I could really start getting all the stuff. I like stuff. I like books that help me get the knowledge I need and I would really like to get some A.A. related houehold items. For reminders. Now I can have fun with this! I just wish I could go to a meeting tonight, but Leroy is asleep (he's worked so many hours this week) and Jake is not home yet, so I have to stay with the kids. tomorrow I will try to hit two, or maybe we can go to church and I can make the Newcomer's Meeting at the Club. But right now, I have girl's hair to do! ¶ 7/28/2001 08:28:00 PM
I have found a gold mine at Amazon.com--starting with: The Twelve Steps for Christians : Based on Biblical Teachings. It's amazing!!! The movies were there including, My Name is Bill W. I could really start getting all the stuff. I like stuff. I like books that help me get the knowledge I need and I would really like to get some A.A. related houehold items. For reminders. Now I can have fun with this! I just wish I could go to a meeting tonight, but Leroy is asleep (he's worked so many hours this week) and Jake is not home yet, so I have to stay with the kids. tomorrow I will try to hit two, or maybe we can go to church and I can make the Newcomer's Meeting at the Club. But right now, I have girl's hair to do! ¶ 7/28/2001 08:28:00 PM
Wine and Roses
I am looking for this movie. Can anyone tell me where to find it?
¶ 7/28/2001 08:14:00 PM
I am looking for this movie. Can anyone tell me where to find it?
¶ 7/28/2001 08:14:00 PM
Another 24
Not really feelin' spiritual today. Have been tired. Guess I should get into reading the 12 by 12 on my 4th Step. I am just grateful for another 24 hours ;-)! ¶ 7/28/2001 08:05:00 PM
Not really feelin' spiritual today. Have been tired. Guess I should get into reading the 12 by 12 on my 4th Step. I am just grateful for another 24 hours ;-)! ¶ 7/28/2001 08:05:00 PM
Wednesday, July 25, 2001
Detox Meeting
I went to a meeting last night at the Detox Center. I go there every Tuesday night. Last night I took a couple of friends with me. Sherry and Ms. Dixie. This was the first time though that I saw myself in everyone there. These women were my age and really suffering. One lady said she hated herself because she just couldn't get it together. Another had been high her whole life (me too really). I have been either VERY drunk or using drugs most of my life. Eleven years ago God delivered me from my rock cocaine addiction, and I began working on building a life for myself and my children. I have been blessed at every turn, but yet I allowed alcohol to take over my life again. Now I say "again", but it really always had control of my life. Just sometimes more than others. I am just so grateful I found AA. I believe in the AA program I can get the skills and knowledge I need to live a totally sober life. I have always known God could save me from myself if I would let him, I just don't think I ever wanted to admit that alcohol could totally control me. It was easy to admit Cocaine could control, but there is just such a stigma about alcohol (at least in my sick mind). I always thought if I was strong enough I could control it. Well, that wasn't happening.
I only hope and pray that those women in the Detox make it out of hell. I gave a couple of them my phone number. I think I have something to give, and I feel like if I can't use my weakness to help make others strong then all that suffering I did was in vain.
Well, I'm working on another 24 hours, one day at a time....... ¶ 7/25/2001 08:45:00 AM
I went to a meeting last night at the Detox Center. I go there every Tuesday night. Last night I took a couple of friends with me. Sherry and Ms. Dixie. This was the first time though that I saw myself in everyone there. These women were my age and really suffering. One lady said she hated herself because she just couldn't get it together. Another had been high her whole life (me too really). I have been either VERY drunk or using drugs most of my life. Eleven years ago God delivered me from my rock cocaine addiction, and I began working on building a life for myself and my children. I have been blessed at every turn, but yet I allowed alcohol to take over my life again. Now I say "again", but it really always had control of my life. Just sometimes more than others. I am just so grateful I found AA. I believe in the AA program I can get the skills and knowledge I need to live a totally sober life. I have always known God could save me from myself if I would let him, I just don't think I ever wanted to admit that alcohol could totally control me. It was easy to admit Cocaine could control, but there is just such a stigma about alcohol (at least in my sick mind). I always thought if I was strong enough I could control it. Well, that wasn't happening.
I only hope and pray that those women in the Detox make it out of hell. I gave a couple of them my phone number. I think I have something to give, and I feel like if I can't use my weakness to help make others strong then all that suffering I did was in vain.
Well, I'm working on another 24 hours, one day at a time....... ¶ 7/25/2001 08:45:00 AM
Tuesday, July 24, 2001
Of this I am convinced....
In side each of us there is an empty spot. It's not there in physical sense, but you can feel it. We spend most of our lives trying to fill this empty spot. We try to fill it with romantic love, other people, sex, drugs, alcohol, work, hobbies, everything..........But we always have that empty feeling. Well, I am convinced that that spot is a spot the God has designated for Himself, and that until we allow Him to fill this void, we will always feel kind of empty.
Lots of folks avoid spirtuality. They say the churches judge people, are only there for the money, are hypocrites, etc. You know, humans will disappoint, of that there is no doubt. Anywhere you go, if you look for it, you will find people who do not live up to your expectations. Our focus should be initially our own spirtual well being, then to assist others. I don't really have time to judge even the people that judge me. I have to work on keeping my own Void filled and letting other people know about the really simple solution to filling theirs (if they want) ;-) And this is my opinion, everyone has their own, I would love to hear yours.......... ¶ 7/24/2001 10:49:00 AM
In side each of us there is an empty spot. It's not there in physical sense, but you can feel it. We spend most of our lives trying to fill this empty spot. We try to fill it with romantic love, other people, sex, drugs, alcohol, work, hobbies, everything..........But we always have that empty feeling. Well, I am convinced that that spot is a spot the God has designated for Himself, and that until we allow Him to fill this void, we will always feel kind of empty.
Lots of folks avoid spirtuality. They say the churches judge people, are only there for the money, are hypocrites, etc. You know, humans will disappoint, of that there is no doubt. Anywhere you go, if you look for it, you will find people who do not live up to your expectations. Our focus should be initially our own spirtual well being, then to assist others. I don't really have time to judge even the people that judge me. I have to work on keeping my own Void filled and letting other people know about the really simple solution to filling theirs (if they want) ;-) And this is my opinion, everyone has their own, I would love to hear yours.......... ¶ 7/24/2001 10:49:00 AM
Monday, July 23, 2001
My sponsor just called
I feel so good about that!!! We talked about different things and she is going to bring me paper that will help me do my 4th Step. I have not idea what kind of paper, but I am looking forward to it. Funny, I was scared of th 4th Step, but now I feel I am ready, and I am really excited about it.
You see I have to wait for her to think I am ready to take each Step. Not easy for me at first, but she has been sober 17 years so I guess she knows what she is talking about ;-)! ¶ 7/23/2001 07:51:00 PM
I feel so good about that!!! We talked about different things and she is going to bring me paper that will help me do my 4th Step. I have not idea what kind of paper, but I am looking forward to it. Funny, I was scared of th 4th Step, but now I feel I am ready, and I am really excited about it.
You see I have to wait for her to think I am ready to take each Step. Not easy for me at first, but she has been sober 17 years so I guess she knows what she is talking about ;-)! ¶ 7/23/2001 07:51:00 PM
Anger
Being human AND an alcoholic is tuff. God blesses me and I take it for granted. I am tired of being imperfect and ungrateful. Of course how can I EVER repay what God has done for me. You would think I would be running up and down the street shouting His praises, but as soon as I get an attitude the first thing I think of is "I need a drink".
I must pray that that He forgive my defects of character and make me more in the ways that He would have me. His will, not mine, be done! ¶ 7/23/2001 07:38:00 PM
Being human AND an alcoholic is tuff. God blesses me and I take it for granted. I am tired of being imperfect and ungrateful. Of course how can I EVER repay what God has done for me. You would think I would be running up and down the street shouting His praises, but as soon as I get an attitude the first thing I think of is "I need a drink".
I must pray that that He forgive my defects of character and make me more in the ways that He would have me. His will, not mine, be done! ¶ 7/23/2001 07:38:00 PM
Sunday, July 22, 2001
You can find more of this here .
A little drunk is better than dead
When they’re strapping you down inside your own head
So you hang out with the man on the moon
But why does the morning have to come too soon?
When you get stuck down deep in bad traffic
All your radio is picking up is cheap static
So you reach beneath your front seat
For the taste of something sweet
Well, just remember what the drowning man said
A little drunk is better than dead
Before you put the gun to your head
Remember what the drowning man said
A little drunk, A little drunk is better than dead
A little drunk is better than dead
When you’re tripping down the path that you were led
When your ass has been slapped by too many doors
And you think of all the good things you can’t afford
You can’t find a good woman can’t find a good job
You look in the mirror and all you see is a slob
You just can’t swallow all the shit you’ve been fed
Been punched in the eye so much you only see red
But before you put that gun to your head
A little drunk is better than dead
Remember what the drowning man said
Before you put the gun to your head
A little drunk, A little drunk is better than dead
A little lost is better than found
When you always find your hopes just smashed on the ground
But someone’s always there to lend you a hand
But too late you’re already neck deep in quick sand
And you’re sprawled out on some floor
Some one call for help
Is he alive? We’re not sure
Everybody’s screaming
Everyone’s in a panic
But you, your face is peaceful like it’s plastic
And as they roll him away on the stretcher
We knew that he’d be drunk forever
I guess a little drunk is better
Before you put the gun to your head
Remember what the drowning man said
A little drunk, A little drunk is better than dead
A little drunk, A little drunk is better than dead
Drunk Is Better Than Dead
Chris Trapper
.
¶ 7/22/2001 05:06:00 PM
A little drunk is better than dead
When they’re strapping you down inside your own head
So you hang out with the man on the moon
But why does the morning have to come too soon?
When you get stuck down deep in bad traffic
All your radio is picking up is cheap static
So you reach beneath your front seat
For the taste of something sweet
Well, just remember what the drowning man said
A little drunk is better than dead
Before you put the gun to your head
Remember what the drowning man said
A little drunk, A little drunk is better than dead
A little drunk is better than dead
When you’re tripping down the path that you were led
When your ass has been slapped by too many doors
And you think of all the good things you can’t afford
You can’t find a good woman can’t find a good job
You look in the mirror and all you see is a slob
You just can’t swallow all the shit you’ve been fed
Been punched in the eye so much you only see red
But before you put that gun to your head
A little drunk is better than dead
Remember what the drowning man said
Before you put the gun to your head
A little drunk, A little drunk is better than dead
A little lost is better than found
When you always find your hopes just smashed on the ground
But someone’s always there to lend you a hand
But too late you’re already neck deep in quick sand
And you’re sprawled out on some floor
Some one call for help
Is he alive? We’re not sure
Everybody’s screaming
Everyone’s in a panic
But you, your face is peaceful like it’s plastic
And as they roll him away on the stretcher
We knew that he’d be drunk forever
I guess a little drunk is better
Before you put the gun to your head
Remember what the drowning man said
A little drunk, A little drunk is better than dead
A little drunk, A little drunk is better than dead
Drunk Is Better Than Dead
Chris Trapper
.
¶ 7/22/2001 05:06:00 PM
Saturday, July 21, 2001
Okay, I pray, I attempt meditation, I read my Big Book, and now I am reading the 12 by 12, but....
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the
wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill
today because they pissed me off.
And also, help me to be careful of the toes
I step on today as they may be connected
to the butt that I may have to kiss tomorrow.
Help me to always give 100% at work...
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Fridays
And help me to remember...
When I'm having a really bad day,
and it seems that people are trying to piss me off,
that it takes 42 muscles to frown and
only 4 muscles to extend my middle finger
and tell them to bite me!
¶ 7/21/2001 04:17:00 PM
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the
wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill
today because they pissed me off.
And also, help me to be careful of the toes
I step on today as they may be connected
to the butt that I may have to kiss tomorrow.
Help me to always give 100% at work...
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Fridays
And help me to remember...
When I'm having a really bad day,
and it seems that people are trying to piss me off,
that it takes 42 muscles to frown and
only 4 muscles to extend my middle finger
and tell them to bite me!
¶ 7/21/2001 04:17:00 PM
Friday, July 20, 2001
False Pride
This was the topic at the meeting I went to last night. Talked seemed to center on if we we're too full of ourselves.
I have had this problem in the past, but it is one of the main issues I work on now, so I think I have reached a certain level of humility. Funny, I don't know when that happened. I also don't know when I really started believing God could restore sanity. I pray about things and God just seems to put them in place as He sees fit. Pretty cool, huh? And it falls in place with the slogan "Keep It Simple". It's easy when you just let God take care of it all............. ¶ 7/20/2001 09:18:00 AM
This was the topic at the meeting I went to last night. Talked seemed to center on if we we're too full of ourselves.
I have had this problem in the past, but it is one of the main issues I work on now, so I think I have reached a certain level of humility. Funny, I don't know when that happened. I also don't know when I really started believing God could restore sanity. I pray about things and God just seems to put them in place as He sees fit. Pretty cool, huh? And it falls in place with the slogan "Keep It Simple". It's easy when you just let God take care of it all............. ¶ 7/20/2001 09:18:00 AM
Wednesday, July 18, 2001
DAILY REFLECTIONS
During this process of learning more about humility the most profound result of all was the change in our attitude toward God. -- Twleve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 75
Today my prayers consist mostly of saying thank you to my Higher Power for my sobriety and for the wonder of God's abundance, but I need to ask also for help and the power to carry out His will for me. I no longer need God each minute to rescue me from the situations I get myslfe into by not doing His will. Now my gratutude seems to be directly linked to humility. As long as I have the humility to be grateful for what I have, God continues to provide for me.
************************************************
This was out of the July 18th AA Daily Reflections book.
Best $7 I ever spent was buying this little book. Every day it relates more and more to where I am at.
I have also been reading the Big Book more regularily although I am only on about page 180. I'm in the "The Family Afterwards" chapter. That has also been the subject of a couple of meetings I have been to lately as I may have mentioned. Some of the stuff in this chapter really relates more to life as it was when the Big Book was written about 50 years ago, but you can use a lot of it and relate to it. One thing I have noticed about AA, you may not be able to relate to one thing one day, but you can the next. Just like the second step where it says "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity". For the longest, I truly thought my life would always be kind of insane, but more and more I have became more sane. In page 86 of the Big Book it mentions how to direct your prayers. I noticed that if you follow this format that it kind of keeps you in line. So it really does 'WORK IF YOU WORK IT'!
¶ 7/18/2001 04:43:00 PM
During this process of learning more about humility the most profound result of all was the change in our attitude toward God. -- Twleve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 75
Today my prayers consist mostly of saying thank you to my Higher Power for my sobriety and for the wonder of God's abundance, but I need to ask also for help and the power to carry out His will for me. I no longer need God each minute to rescue me from the situations I get myslfe into by not doing His will. Now my gratutude seems to be directly linked to humility. As long as I have the humility to be grateful for what I have, God continues to provide for me.
************************************************
This was out of the July 18th AA Daily Reflections book.
Best $7 I ever spent was buying this little book. Every day it relates more and more to where I am at.
I have also been reading the Big Book more regularily although I am only on about page 180. I'm in the "The Family Afterwards" chapter. That has also been the subject of a couple of meetings I have been to lately as I may have mentioned. Some of the stuff in this chapter really relates more to life as it was when the Big Book was written about 50 years ago, but you can use a lot of it and relate to it. One thing I have noticed about AA, you may not be able to relate to one thing one day, but you can the next. Just like the second step where it says "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity". For the longest, I truly thought my life would always be kind of insane, but more and more I have became more sane. In page 86 of the Big Book it mentions how to direct your prayers. I noticed that if you follow this format that it kind of keeps you in line. So it really does 'WORK IF YOU WORK IT'!
¶ 7/18/2001 04:43:00 PM
Tuesday, July 17, 2001
We are going to Gulfport/Biloxi, Mississippi for our vacation the beginning of August and a nice young man gave me this let me know how to find Alcoholics Anonymous in Mississippi. Thanks nice young man!
¶ 7/17/2001 01:59:00 PM
Monday, July 16, 2001
The Family Afterwards
That has been the subject of my last two meetings, last night and today. I mentions how we (alchoholics) tend to go over board either with work or the program itself when we first get sober. I did notice soon after reality hit, that our finances were kind of messed up and it was my first thought to get a part time job. I had not intention of going to meetings in the evening, using the children as an excuse. Then a fella' asked me had I been drinking in the evenings. Of course I had, when else was there to drink. He said if I could drink in the evenings, I could go to meetings in the evenings. It's funny, I had intended to get a part time job in the evenings and leave the kids that way, and I could drink and zone my children out that way, but I didn't want to go to meetings in the evenings.
Well, I do go to meetings in the evenings. I had to cash in some mutual funds to meet our financial needs or to get back where we need to be, but my focus is on sobriety. I am still not reacting the way I want to be though to stressful situations at home with the kids. My sponsor says that will come in time.
They gave me and another woman plaques today at work for over 5 years service. I wonder if they would have considered that 2 months ago. One thing.....my work performance is back up to par. I am good at my job, not perfect, but good. ;-) ¶ 7/16/2001 07:11:00 PM
That has been the subject of my last two meetings, last night and today. I mentions how we (alchoholics) tend to go over board either with work or the program itself when we first get sober. I did notice soon after reality hit, that our finances were kind of messed up and it was my first thought to get a part time job. I had not intention of going to meetings in the evening, using the children as an excuse. Then a fella' asked me had I been drinking in the evenings. Of course I had, when else was there to drink. He said if I could drink in the evenings, I could go to meetings in the evenings. It's funny, I had intended to get a part time job in the evenings and leave the kids that way, and I could drink and zone my children out that way, but I didn't want to go to meetings in the evenings.
Well, I do go to meetings in the evenings. I had to cash in some mutual funds to meet our financial needs or to get back where we need to be, but my focus is on sobriety. I am still not reacting the way I want to be though to stressful situations at home with the kids. My sponsor says that will come in time.
They gave me and another woman plaques today at work for over 5 years service. I wonder if they would have considered that 2 months ago. One thing.....my work performance is back up to par. I am good at my job, not perfect, but good. ;-) ¶ 7/16/2001 07:11:00 PM
Saturday, July 14, 2001
AA Daily Reflections
The Daily Reflections book seems to be focusing alot on humility lately. It says "Humility will allow me to accpt my humanness joyously". Mmmmmm. I have noticed when there are things I have problems with (giving them up to God), that God will put me in a position where I have no choice BUT to give them up.
An example of that is my 18 year old daughter, who has gone down hill fast. I had said I had given that situation up to God, but only when she called collect from another state did I realize that I am actually powerless over that situation as well, and will truly have to give her to God.
Now I have to continue to learn to practice that in all my affairs. ¶ 7/14/2001 09:19:00 AM
The Daily Reflections book seems to be focusing alot on humility lately. It says "Humility will allow me to accpt my humanness joyously". Mmmmmm. I have noticed when there are things I have problems with (giving them up to God), that God will put me in a position where I have no choice BUT to give them up.
An example of that is my 18 year old daughter, who has gone down hill fast. I had said I had given that situation up to God, but only when she called collect from another state did I realize that I am actually powerless over that situation as well, and will truly have to give her to God.
Now I have to continue to learn to practice that in all my affairs. ¶ 7/14/2001 09:19:00 AM
Thursday, July 12, 2001
Peace
It just doesn't want to seem to come to me. I get so pissed off so easily, and then I get pissed off at myself for getting pissed off. And I wonder why things are starting to be better and why my sponsor isn't allowing me to move on with my steps so maybe things can get better. Then I get pissed at her, and again at myself. I don't have most of my numbers here at home, but I called my sponsor and she said she would call me back...then I called another lady's number I have here and she wasn't home.
Oh well, I can make it till I get to a meeting.
¶ 7/12/2001 07:05:00 PM
It just doesn't want to seem to come to me. I get so pissed off so easily, and then I get pissed off at myself for getting pissed off. And I wonder why things are starting to be better and why my sponsor isn't allowing me to move on with my steps so maybe things can get better. Then I get pissed at her, and again at myself. I don't have most of my numbers here at home, but I called my sponsor and she said she would call me back...then I called another lady's number I have here and she wasn't home.
Oh well, I can make it till I get to a meeting.
¶ 7/12/2001 07:05:00 PM
New meeting
Went to a new meeting this morning at 6:30 a.m. It was good. I have my appointment with my liver Dr. at 11:00 a.m. So far so good, but we have to keep an eye on it.
This is out of my non AA Daily Reading book:
He hath acquainted himself with my beaten path. When he hath searched me out, I shall come out shining (Job 23:10).
Now that's nice to know, isn't it? ¶ 7/12/2001 08:36:00 AM
Went to a new meeting this morning at 6:30 a.m. It was good. I have my appointment with my liver Dr. at 11:00 a.m. So far so good, but we have to keep an eye on it.
This is out of my non AA Daily Reading book:
He hath acquainted himself with my beaten path. When he hath searched me out, I shall come out shining (Job 23:10).
Now that's nice to know, isn't it? ¶ 7/12/2001 08:36:00 AM
Tuesday, July 10, 2001
Do I ever think about drinking?
Do I ever get mad at my husband? Do my kids ever frustrate me? Then I remember what a guy told me after one of my first meetings. He said, "what are you going to do **drink at them**". How am I going to hurt my husband for making me mad for whatever reason by hurting myself? Would it make my children act better for me to drink?
Life is not perfect after alcohol, but I can remember it all (now the question is do I want to remember it all) ;-)! My liver hurts less. Oh, did I mention I have Hepatitis C? Great disease for an alcoholic, huh?
One day at a time ;-) and I might make it!
¶ 7/10/2001 04:52:00 PM
Do I ever get mad at my husband? Do my kids ever frustrate me? Then I remember what a guy told me after one of my first meetings. He said, "what are you going to do **drink at them**". How am I going to hurt my husband for making me mad for whatever reason by hurting myself? Would it make my children act better for me to drink?
Life is not perfect after alcohol, but I can remember it all (now the question is do I want to remember it all) ;-)! My liver hurts less. Oh, did I mention I have Hepatitis C? Great disease for an alcoholic, huh?
One day at a time ;-) and I might make it!
¶ 7/10/2001 04:52:00 PM
Monday, July 09, 2001
You'll find a very peaceful site at SpiritualWay to Recovery and Relationship Discovery.
¶ 7/09/2001 09:29:00 AM
Hi!
This was in my non AA devotional book:
The burden of suffering seems a tombstone hung about our necks, while in reality it is only the weight which is necessary to keep down the diver while he is hunting for pearls.----Richter ¶ 7/09/2001 09:11:00 AM
This was in my non AA devotional book:
The burden of suffering seems a tombstone hung about our necks, while in reality it is only the weight which is necessary to keep down the diver while he is hunting for pearls.----Richter ¶ 7/09/2001 09:11:00 AM
Saturday, July 07, 2001
Meetings and Websites
Just got back from a meeting. Went to a club where most folks don't have a lot of sobriety, it's open all the time I think. Different from what I am used to, but good of course. They're all good. I know we (the whole family, husband and all 5 kids) want to get out of the house tonight but I don't know what we are going to do.
I found a lot of great A.A. related websites online last night and want to work on making a link section here. Also got some great old A.A. pictures and the little slogans like, One Day at a Time, But for the Grace of God, etc. I can put those here too when I get time.
The daily reflections I put here are from the AA Daily Reflections Book, it usually starts by quoting an AA publication like TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, etc., and then comments on them. I am going to mention just the comment section of todays...
.....AND LETTING GO OF IT
Peace is possible for me only when I let go of expectations. When I'm trapped in thoughts about what I want and what should be coming to me, I'm in a state of fear or anxious anticipation and this is not conductive to emotional sobriety. I must surrender --over and over-- to the reality of my dependence on God, for then I find peace, gratitude and spiritual security. ¶ 7/07/2001 05:41:00 PM
Just got back from a meeting. Went to a club where most folks don't have a lot of sobriety, it's open all the time I think. Different from what I am used to, but good of course. They're all good. I know we (the whole family, husband and all 5 kids) want to get out of the house tonight but I don't know what we are going to do.
I found a lot of great A.A. related websites online last night and want to work on making a link section here. Also got some great old A.A. pictures and the little slogans like, One Day at a Time, But for the Grace of God, etc. I can put those here too when I get time.
The daily reflections I put here are from the AA Daily Reflections Book, it usually starts by quoting an AA publication like TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, etc., and then comments on them. I am going to mention just the comment section of todays...
.....AND LETTING GO OF IT
Peace is possible for me only when I let go of expectations. When I'm trapped in thoughts about what I want and what should be coming to me, I'm in a state of fear or anxious anticipation and this is not conductive to emotional sobriety. I must surrender --over and over-- to the reality of my dependence on God, for then I find peace, gratitude and spiritual security. ¶ 7/07/2001 05:41:00 PM
Friday, July 06, 2001
Thursday, July 05, 2001
Waiting to go to a meeting
I went to my normal 12 o'clock meeting at "The Club" which I really love...now I'm waiting to go to my 8:15 meeting. I'm tired and I really want to go and come home, but mainly I want to go. I don't want to cook and I don't want to comb out tons of curly little girl hair. I want to hear positive reflection and stuff that I can laugh at. Ah well........I better start with the girl's hair. ¶ 7/05/2001 06:30:00 PM
I went to my normal 12 o'clock meeting at "The Club" which I really love...now I'm waiting to go to my 8:15 meeting. I'm tired and I really want to go and come home, but mainly I want to go. I don't want to cook and I don't want to comb out tons of curly little girl hair. I want to hear positive reflection and stuff that I can laugh at. Ah well........I better start with the girl's hair. ¶ 7/05/2001 06:30:00 PM
Listen to this....
This is part of this morning's daily reflection:
My strong will, rightly directed, keeps me working until the promises of the program become my daily reality.
Guess what today is? That's riiiiight.....today is my 30 day mark....cool, huh? ¶ 7/05/2001 06:27:00 AM
This is part of this morning's daily reflection:
My strong will, rightly directed, keeps me working until the promises of the program become my daily reality.
Guess what today is? That's riiiiight.....today is my 30 day mark....cool, huh? ¶ 7/05/2001 06:27:00 AM
Wednesday, July 04, 2001
HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!!
I bet you anything, that where ever there is an AA meeting, folks will still be there. One thing that I have noticed is that rain or shine or whatever, folks have their meetings ;-).
I went to a meeting at the Detox Center last night. I enjoyed it, as I do them all. I have found that I am not really able to meditate, and I don't understand how other people can. Maybe my defininition of meditation is screwed up, I don't know....but the more I think about I think that this is probably as close as I will get to meditation. I wake up early, before the others, and spend time getting my thoughts out. Maybe I ought to use this avenue to really express more. Mmmmmmm.........that's a thought..........but to tell you the truth, between this Blog and my regular blog........that's about it. I don't guess I go really deep, my life consists of breathing in, and breathing out, and attempting to do the best I can do with the time God has allotted me. I am happy, joyous, and free though!! I don't think you have to have completed the steps for that......just knowing that with God's help I will have the ability to accept life on life's terms.......that's good enough for me.
I have faith ;-). ¶ 7/04/2001 06:57:00 AM
I bet you anything, that where ever there is an AA meeting, folks will still be there. One thing that I have noticed is that rain or shine or whatever, folks have their meetings ;-).
I went to a meeting at the Detox Center last night. I enjoyed it, as I do them all. I have found that I am not really able to meditate, and I don't understand how other people can. Maybe my defininition of meditation is screwed up, I don't know....but the more I think about I think that this is probably as close as I will get to meditation. I wake up early, before the others, and spend time getting my thoughts out. Maybe I ought to use this avenue to really express more. Mmmmmmm.........that's a thought..........but to tell you the truth, between this Blog and my regular blog........that's about it. I don't guess I go really deep, my life consists of breathing in, and breathing out, and attempting to do the best I can do with the time God has allotted me. I am happy, joyous, and free though!! I don't think you have to have completed the steps for that......just knowing that with God's help I will have the ability to accept life on life's terms.......that's good enough for me.
I have faith ;-). ¶ 7/04/2001 06:57:00 AM
Tuesday, July 03, 2001
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Then it says this a couple of pages later...."God, I offer myself to Thee---to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, They Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!"
I am good with this ;-) ¶ 7/03/2001 06:04:00 AM
Then it says this a couple of pages later...."God, I offer myself to Thee---to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, They Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!"
I am good with this ;-) ¶ 7/03/2001 06:04:00 AM
Monday, July 02, 2001
Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
My sponsor asked me today what I thought about this step. I told her that I knew God was the only one that could help me. She asked what I thought about the word "sanity", as in---have I came to terms yet with the fact that my actions were insane. Let me tell you, I will be the first to say, that I have been a first class nut case. My thoughts still hit on the insane side....I just have to catch my actions before going that far ;-)! If I work this program I think I can probably keep myself at least to the appearance of sanity ;-)
She has me rereading part of Chapter 5 of the Big Book. Tomorrow we will do the "turning over" prayer together and then on to step 4, which seems like it is going to be rough!
The meeting at The Club today at noon was good. The topic was "tolerance". Love and tolerance is our code! ¶ 7/02/2001 05:15:00 PM
My sponsor asked me today what I thought about this step. I told her that I knew God was the only one that could help me. She asked what I thought about the word "sanity", as in---have I came to terms yet with the fact that my actions were insane. Let me tell you, I will be the first to say, that I have been a first class nut case. My thoughts still hit on the insane side....I just have to catch my actions before going that far ;-)! If I work this program I think I can probably keep myself at least to the appearance of sanity ;-)
She has me rereading part of Chapter 5 of the Big Book. Tomorrow we will do the "turning over" prayer together and then on to step 4, which seems like it is going to be rough!
The meeting at The Club today at noon was good. The topic was "tolerance". Love and tolerance is our code! ¶ 7/02/2001 05:15:00 PM
